The S-Mum this week offered to help her daughter write Christmas cards to her classmates, leading to hilarious consequences.
Mini-Me’s Christmas Cards…
I’ve been putting it off and for good reason.
You’d think I would have learned last year… but NO!
Dummy Mummy here made the mistake of thinking that some evolution might have happened in 12 months. Surely at 5 and a half-and-three-quarters, Mini-Me will be easier to navigate through the simple act of writing Christmas Cards?
Yeah. Like I said, Dummy Mummy.
“Would you like to write your Christmas Cards Mini-Me Dearest?”
How cute to watch her write her very own Christmas Cards? And the first few cards were indeed cute.
After No. 4, she got bored.
By No.6, her writing had gone from “impressive” to “WTF?”
By No.9., she’d decided she no longer needed the word “from”.
No.10 required 3 attempts because she feel out with the letter K and defaced each card in utter frustration.
Trying to write her teacher’s full name caused utter MELTDOWN at No.11 as it wouldn’t fit on the card width and so she now has the last 3 letters vertically down the side… (My eyes are bleeding… but there was more chance of Santa leaving Mammy a Chanel Handbag than there was starting THAT again!)
We eventually made it to No. 20 something and she has left them all lying on the kitchen table, along with my sanity! She is only DELIGHTED with herself.
Mammy learned a few things also.
1. I don’t know how to spell some names. (Got a class list this year. Clever Mammy!)
2. Some mums may be offended at how I think their Minion’s name is actually written. (There are still some variations, even with class list…)
3. I know we have forgotten at least 6 names, given that there are not the same number of cards as kids in her class, but I am not psychic, nor do I remember names anyway, so I don’t really know how to get around that one. (Take THAT 2017 me! I now have this sussed!)
4. The handwriting genius that I smugly THOUGHT I had here, is NOT ACTUALLY a Handwriting Genius. In fact, as I opened some of the cards from her classmates this past week, my inner Soccer Mom was beginning to bubble and boil in a fecked up combination of jealousy and annoyance… “Why is her writing so neat? This one looks like one of my 5th years wrote it? Wtf is wrong with my Mini-Me?” Her lovely, and I thought accomplished, scrawl that I’ve proudly shown to grannies and aunties and anyone else who stands in front of me, in some cases looks like the signature of a shitfaced orangutan beside the BEAUTIFUL script of Miss Annabelle* or Master Simon*…(obviously I’m changing the names here!?) (No chang here!)
5. I need to work on her handwriting. (I think it’s actually worse this year…)
6. I should really get a list of the class names from somewhere. (I did this this year. Best idea EVER!)
7. Some children have better handwriting than my daughter. (Yup. Nothing has changed there.)
8. But I bet their Mums spent 3 weeks drafting and redrafting their cards with them. (Mmmmhmmmmm!)
9. Or maybe, the mums actually WROTE the cards, just making them look a bit messy and childlike to pass them off as the handwriting of their minion to make other Mums like me freak the feck out.
10. My daughter has the attention span of a gnat. And her teacher doesn’t get paid enough. FACT.
11. It’s best to leave this job until evening so that Mammy can celebrate the task’s end with wine.
Have you attempted this yet?
If not, good luck!