Counsellor Sarah Barr has 3 steps to try today and practice daily to help grow your confidence - and it's not about being happy all the time

Sometimes we view confidence as something that is so unattainable, but it isn’t really. Confidence can be learned, it is a habit that we can reinforce by repeating certain actions over and over again.

Confidence is about believing in who you are and being unapologetically authentic and true to yourself.

Confidence develops when you have a deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face, it is about having a “can-do” attitude.

Here are 3 steps you can try today and practice daily to help grow your confidence:

1. Feel all the feelings:

Confidence is not about being happy or positive all of the time, which is humanly impossible to do. Instead, it’s about being aware and experiencing all your feelings, both positive and negative. The good and the bad.

The majority of us can all deal with pleasant feelings but often we ignore or distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings. Being aware and dealing with all of our feelings can help us to become more self-aware and authentic.

2. Quit the negative self-talk:

Negative self-talk and self-criticism creates doubt in your mind and this can steal your confidence in yourself and in your abilities. Hurting yourself with negative words and thoughts is damaging, to you.

When you are tempted to belittle yourself, use your awareness as a signal that something else has worried you.

Then, ask yourself: “What have I seen, heard or done that has upset me?”

Increasing your self-awareness will help you to understand yourself a little bit better.

3. Accept the compliments:

Perhaps you feel embarrassed at accepting compliments from others and quickly dismiss them.

Accepting genuine compliments from others by saying “thank you” can really help your confidence.

Compliments act as a mirror and reflection, as you let yourself take them in, they can help your self-esteem, self-worth and confidence grow. Perhaps allowing you to see that you are already the person you want to be.

Confidence is knowing that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face or want to pursue.

Sometimes you may need help in growing your confidence and dealing with past traumas or unresolved issues. If so, please reach out to a qualified and registered/accredited Counsellor who is ethically trained and qualified to support you.

If you would like a list of counselling services and counsellors in Donegal please email at and I will share this information with you.

Take care, Sarah.