The S-Mum, Maria, discusses the trials and tribulations of dinner time.
Mini-Me is going through a phase of bad-eating. She’d happily live on pancakes and yoghurt at the minute. I’m blaming the summer holidays and the general lack of routine, but last night’s dinner exchange reminded me of a post I wrote this time last year… and it turns out that, as much as I think I am winning at this Mammying lark, I am actually swimming like a one-legged duck…around and around in circles!
A year ago, I wrote:
“Tonight’s dinner took 1 hour and 13 minutes.
1 and 13 soul-destroying minutes.?
It went like this.
Her: I don’t like Chicken.
Me: Yes you do.
Her: You KNOW I don’t like chicken.
Me: Yes you do.
Her: No I don’t. (Pushes chicken off plate.)
Me: Please put that chicken back on your plate. Now, stop your nonsense and eat your dinner. (Inside scream.)
Her: I don’t LIKE chicken.
Me: You ate chicken in Granny’s on Monday.
Her: That was Gwanny’s chicken.
Me: (You have to be joking me.) Eat your dinner please pet.
Her: WHY. are. there. CARROTS. on. my. plate? (Impressive tone there Mini-Me.)
Me: Eat your dinner. Look. Princess is eating her dinner. (Futile sing songy voice)
Her: These potatoes are BORING.
ME: (OH JEBUS…) The potatoes are special magic potatoes that give you super powers.
Her: I don’t like chicken.
Repeat this x 17.
Add in a few top parenting lines such as:
“If you eat your dinner, you can have TWO bedtime stories.” (I’m amazing aren’t I?)
“Did you know that eating your dinner makes your muscles bigger than Daddy’s?”
(JUST EAT YOUR BLOODY DINNER!)
“Look. Your baby sister is almost FINISHED HERS. She’s such a big girl.” (Yup. I know. I’m terrible.)
“Potatoes make you big and strong.” (Yes. I said it. Despite the interweb telling me last week that this line will fuel negative body image. Seriously?)
“Mummy wears glasses because I didn’t eat carrots when I was little.” (EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT….SWEET JEEEEEEEEEBUS, JUST EEEEEEEEAT!)
“YOU WILL SIT AT THAT TABLE UNTIL YOU’VE EATEN THOSE POTATOES.”
Princess had started hers, fallen asleep in her highchair, had a 20 minute nap, woken up and finished hers in the meantime.
“Right. Scooby Doo is going off.” (Imagine that I would have cartoons on during dinner? I know. Go ahead. Phone social services. I’ll dial for you shall I?)
The telly was turned off.
She wailed like a tomcat.
I turned my attention to the food covered fudge monster in the high chair…
I ignored her snarling…
And she finally gave in.
(She probably got hungry!)
It took one blast in the microwave and 1 hour and 13 minutes, but she EVENTUALLY ate the stupid potatoes.
THEN, she bounced off the chair, scraped and put her own fricken plate in the dishwasher, skipped over to me, gave me a kiss and said “Two stories. That’s SOOOOOO KIND OF YOU MY MAMMY BEAR!”
I may give up now. I don’t stand a chance.”
The ONLY difference in this post and what I want to write right now, is that Princess would NEVER fall asleep mid-meal! ?
I may save this post. I have a feeling that I might need it again for this time next year…and then some.
How some things can change in a year, and yet how some things never change, eh?
On another note, there are a few places left on the Minding Mammy programme I have helped Sarah Barr from New Beginnings to organise. We start the 3 week course on Friday next (14th) at 11am. If youd like to join us, details are in the mage and you can contact me or Sarah to book.