Maria Rushe reveals her clever approach to back to school shopping.
Mammy is super-organised…
Mammy has started her Christmas Shopping.
Mammy has started thinking about next year’s summer holidays.
Mammy has started making plans for 2 or 3 significant birthdays in the family next year.
Mammy has thought so far ahead, that she has hotels AND Babysitters booked for the 2019 weddings she KNOWS she will be attending.
This is how THIS Super-organised-Mum rolls.
What Mammy HAS NOT started however, is thinking about the dreaded HELL that is “Back-to-school”.
Mammy HATES this time of year more than you can ever imagine. The Back-to-school Puke now starts in the middle of MAY… Before ANY school finishes up for summer break. May… As in MAY, the 5th month of the year and 4 whole months BEFORE September? Wtf?
When we were kids, the grey and navy skirts and shirts and lunchboxes and tin mathematic sets with the map of Ireland didn’t appear in the shops until the end of July. And by then, we’d had our weeks of sunshine, siblings, Zig & Zag and Bosco and nothingness, and we probably didn’t MIND starting to think about the S word.
But now? NOW, Mammy wants to find the store managers who have signed off on putting Back-to-school puke on the shelves in mid-MAY. I want to find them and I want to HURT them. ? I want to poke them in the eyeballs with the metal tools in the tin mathematics case… (they’ll be more useful to me now and they were in 1989.)
I want to beat them over the head with a cheap plastic-lasts-until-Halloween-lunchbox, snap their noses with elastic neckties and then lock them in a container with nothing but copies of Ann & Barry and ‘Sugradh’…but NO PENCIL. ??
But Mammy is obviously a sane and calm lady who would never entertain such thoughts.
Since June 1st, I have been increasingly flummoxed by the status updates appearing on my timeline from other ACTUAL Mums who have the Back-to-school puke done and dusted already. I have hovered my finger over the “unfriend” button in some cases, wondering if Bookface would entertain my proposal for an “unfollow until September 1st” button. ?
Now, if YOU have all the stuffs for all the minions sorted already, good for you. I’m not feeling jealous, or inferior or intimidated by your organisation skills AT ALL. ? (There is a slight chance that a psychologisty person MIGHT argue that my anger towards the aforementioned shop owners, and my annoyance at the Super-organised-Mums, stems from my own insecurities and weaknesses being highlighted to me by the clever forward thinking Back-to-school Experts.)
I would argue that NOPE, my anger and flummoxing are perfectly justified. Maybe it’s because I have had to do the Back-to-school puke for 32 CONSECUTIVE years. Since starting teaching, I have managed to avoid thinking about it until the ACTUAL night before school starts, when I sob into my grapes, knowing that summer is over and I have to now dress in something other than my gymgear and that makeup will have to be used every day.
But now, as a Mammy, I DO need to get everyone else organised a few days earlier than when it was just ME going back to school…
But, I MEAN a FEW days earlier. I refuse point blank to go near the dark, bleak section of the store until AT LEAST the final week of her holidays. I convince myself that I am more clever than the Early-Back-to-school-organisers, and I browse through what is left over on the shelves of synthetic smelling geansaí and pleated skirts, because at least there is no chance of Mini-Me taking a growth spurt between the Back-to-school puke being bought and her putting them on. ? #lazymammywin
See. Clever Mammy. (And pleated skirts? The Gobshite who invented those little bitcheepoos needs to be locked into the container WITH the shop owners along with 2000 of those skirts, an iron and an ironing board…)
So go on. Sicken me… Hands up who’s all organised already? ?
Follow The S-Mum on her social media platforms for daily giggles.