Moville author Sharon Thompson has a very relatable list of thoughts we all have in the hairdresser's from time to time.

Whether you enjoy your time in the salon or dread every appointment, you’ll enjoy this account.

Ten reasons why the hairdresser’s is not always a relaxing experience! 

1. The dilemma of whether to wash my hair before I even go to the hairdressers. 

If you’re a greasy mopped critter like myself, then this is a conundrum. If it is a morning appointment I might get away with the mess I’m in. Lunchtime, I race in and pray no-one sees me. Afternoon – I literally pull on a baseball cap and hope all the way there that I get a parking space at the door. 

2. Being on time. 

Some hairdressers are amazing and take me bang on my appointment. Others let me linger in an awkward place between being pushy and polite. Do I roar over the hairdryers, ‘I practically killed a dog on the road on the way here, trying to make it on time,’ Or instead do I loiter and smile, hoping someone realises that I’m there. 

3. What do you want?

Perhaps I am the only person in the whole world who never knows what she actually wants the hairdresser to do. I know I want fixed. I wish to look better than when I went in. I also expect the hairdresser to instinctively know exactly what course of action will make that happen. 

‘Do you want to go a darker shade?’ 

‘Um, I like it this colour – like without the greys, dark bits and the terrible roots?’

‘So blonde then?’

‘Aye, but not too blonde. Natural. But not dark, like I am.’

How, the poor hairdresser is supposed to know how to chemically mix something that will go with the mess in front of her, astounds me. Yet, I leave it to them and start to pray to the gods.

4. The conversation 

Sometimes all I want to do is say, ‘Let’s not talk AT ALL.’ But then, I find myself talking about local restaurants, films, TV shows and last by no means least – relationships! Lord love them. How do they put up with us all day, everyday, nattering on about our ailments, dilemmas, opinions about celebrities or the royal wedding, moans and groans about our weight? They must want to murder someone?

5. The cups of tea/coffee 

Should I put the ‘wee girl’ to the bother of making you a cuppa? I’m parched and would kill for caffeine, but I feel guilty for one brief second agreeing to the cup and then taking it.
 
‘Thanks very much, you’re so good, thanks, thanks. I ordered coffee, but sure this is great. Thanks, thanks.’
 
I then sit dreaming about a chocolate biscuit knowing I should have asked her for the water I’m supposed to have if I really am on the diet she recommended to me, the last time I was in.

6. The whole procedure

Who invented wrapping hair in chemicals and tin-foil? Or decided that curling and back-combing was necessary for beauty? The pain, the agony, the torture, the burning sensation, and the, ‘Did they forget my hair-dye is on for friggin’ ages here?’

7. Styling 

How can a hairdresser cut hair and talk at the same time? I can’t butter toast without concentrating? Whatever about blow-drying, I can see that it’s straight-forward enough, but the whole; scissors and hair and permanent damage, makes me nervous. 

8. Washing 

This is the best bit for me. Unless, the water is scalding and you still say, ‘oh it’s fine, lovely. No, I’m not getting burnt at all.’
The scalp massage, is bliss, until you think how bored the hairdresser must be after fifty head rubs or how you might actually sleep and snore, if she does it for a little bit longer. 

 

9. Hearing over the noise 

Hairdressers are expert at talking to each other in tones unheard by other human ears. Did you notice that? They can converse in low volumes with each other no problem and hear you over a hairdryer at full pelt. 

Yet, I can hear diddley-squat! ‘What? Pardon?’ Smile politely and say, ‘that’s nice,’ to almost everything. ‘No, I’m not going out tonight and have no holidays booked.’

10. The finished product 

…. There in the mirror I am.  A yellow, blonde bombshell. ‘Sweet Christ,’ your inner voice says ‘what fecking colour am I?’

Do you like it?’ she asks, certain that she has followed the scant instructions.

‘It’s lovely. Just lovely.’  Inside I’m thinking, There’s no way I am letting her back at me, if this is a first attempt. She should know I didn’t mean I wanted to look like this? 

‘Thanks so much, I love it. Yep. It’s great. I’ll pay at the till. Thanks.’

Where the feck is my base-ball cap? My inner voice is screaming. With the help o’God, it’ll be grand, when I wash it a few times.
 
‘Oh yes. I had a great time. Very relaxin’ Thanks very much.’
 
 
                                                                                                ***********

I possibly should say, that I love going to my Donegal hairdressers. This is purely from past experiences, which were far, far away. 


Sharon Thompson is the author of Amazon #1 crime novel The Abandoned. She has signed with leading crime publishing house Bloodhound Books UK for two more books. She is the co-founder of #WritersWise a trending, writers’ tweet-chat (www.writerswise1.wordpress.com).

Find Sharon @sharontwriter and sharontwriter.com [email protected]

 

Check back next Sunday for another short story from Sharon. If you are a local writer of stories or poetry, email [email protected] to inquire about featuring.